A Darker Side of Moscow

Hey everyone, hope you're all well. I cannot say the same for myself, as this weekend I did have a very scary experience in Moscow. I went out to a bar with a girl from our group Saturday night. Another girl joined us and they expressed an interest to go to a nearby club. I agreed, though I said I needed to leave at 12:30 in order to catch the metro home (it closes at 1). We got there and danced, and one of the girls began to leave in order to catch the metro. I wanted to leave too but the third girl begged me to stay. I saw that she was drunk and did not want to leave her, so I agreed to stay. She had another drink at some point and then became beligerent, at one point kicking and punching the ATM where she thought (wrongly) her card had been eaten. I had to physically restrain her because I was afraid we would be arrested. She began to scream and curse loudly in English. At this point, I knew she was profoundly drunk and I needed to get her home. I eventually got money from the ATM and around 4:30 I asked her to come with me in a cab, that I would pay for her and take her home. She refused and became angry, telling me in so many words that I needed to leave. She had eaten something and seemed like she had sobered up to a point where she would be ok, and because I was exhausted from struggling with her all evening, I said goodbye and left her. This was around 4:45 in the morning. I walked to the metro to see what time it opened, was accosted by two drunken men and grabbed by the arm, but got away and went back to the club. I called a cab and left the club at 5:30, going home and going to sleep. At 11 am I was woken by a call from our resident director, the man in charge of our program, and informed that the girl I had been with had been found unconcious on the steps of the American Embassy around 5:30. She is lucky to be alive and unscathed, she still has her money and passport and she was not raped or assaulted. As far as we can figure, the amount of alcohol she consumed finally caught up to her and she passed out in the club. Because I was outside and would have seen her being dragged out by clubgoers, I believe club-officials found her and took her out an employee entrance to the American Embassy. She believes she was drugged. I am consumed with guilt for leaving her, and I know I should have called my resident director at 4:45 when she wouldn't come in the taxi with me. At the time I wasn't aware just how drunk she was, and didn't want to wake him unneccesarily. He has assured me that she is responsible for her actions that night and that he understands why I left her, and he doesn't blame me. My friends tell me it was good that I stayed as long as I did, and if I hadn't she might be dead. I appreciate them telling me this, but I can't stop blaming myself.

Moscow, for now, doesn't interest me, it terrifies me. I hate to be on the metro, I hate to talk to people, I hate people. I hate to be out after dark. I want to go home, but I know I have to hold firm for now and try to regain my excitement for Russia. At the same time, I know I handled things the only way I knew how that night, and I did something really incredible, which was order a taxi on the telephone (only took about 20 minutes....) I know I'm strong enough to handle myself and this city, but I just don't want to anymore.
I'm sorry that my account this week doesn't paint a lovely picture for anyone. Maybe soon I can write something cheerier, and tell you all about "MosFilms," the Moscow Film Studio where we are going Friday. Or maybe I'll feel better after I see Tolstoy's estate on Saturday, where he lived and is buried. And next week I get to look forward to a reprieve from school when we take a week long cruise down the Volga river, and see Volgagrad.
Stay safe everyone, much love from me