http://acrussiaabroad.org/pgDetail.php?id=320
It was the picture I took on the tour bus in Petersburg, with the Church of Spilled Blood through the window. I don't think I win anything special, I'm just happy.
Especially since yesterday was a really crazy day for me. I went from a really happy place to a really bad place in just a matter of two hours. I had a fine day at school, I actually like the classes I take Monday, and then after school allison and I got coffee and she found a kitten in her stairwell and we went and played with the kitten, which was adorable and kind of pathetically sad, because someone just plopped it in a box in the stairs. We talked for a long time and had a really nice conversation.
Then I was riding the bus home and thinking about how much I like Moscow and I want to come back here and maybe work or live here for awhile. I was thinking about all the progress I've made so far and just feeling really happy and good.
Then I go home and ask Marina to proofread my paper about war communism for history class. It's like our final exam for this class so I wanted it to be with as little errors as possible. And I was actually really proud of this paper because, even though I just read up on the internet to find my "Research," I wrote it pretty quickly on Saturday and it wasn't really a problem. I've never had such ease writing in Russian before. I knew it wasn't perfect but I didn't think it was shitty either.
And then Marina read it.
I don't know, she just got really intense and was like "wow your grammar sucks" which, granted it isn't the best, I don't think it SUCKS. Also, I think if I were proofreading someone's, say a foreigner's, paper, I wouldn't shake my head, sigh dramatically and go "this is soooooo NOTTTT english." Which is basically what she did. "This doesn't sound Russian." Well it's obvious that it doesn't have all the nuances a Russian writer might have granted to it- because I'm not Russian! It took me 4 years of studying French 5 days a week to understand the nuances of French- I'm definitely not at that point yet. And also, I didn't really learn the vocabulary in school to go along with the theme of "implementing collectivization policies in Soviet Russian during 1918 and 1921 and the production and seizure of grain from peasant farms leading to the introduction of the New Economic Policy." I had to look up a lot of words, and I don't know the nuances of said words. It was just... a nightmare. I felt completely awful. I think she saw crestfallen I was because towards the end she was like "it was a hard topic, you had the right ideas."
Then she tried to make me change my plans with Masha today to go to the conservatory with her a her friend. She always makes me do stuff so last minute, like 3 hours before.
"Emma- come to the conservatory tomorrow with me and Natasha."
" I have plans with Masha we're going to the Darwin Museum."
"The Darwin Museum will always be there- come to the conservatory."
"I'm not going to cancel plans with Masha."
"Bring her along."
"She might not like it."
"Yes she will- call her right now."
I had absolutely no will or energy to call masha and completely change plans so I didn't. I'll tell her Masha had a meeting to go to at 7:30 and we couldn't go to the conservatory.
Then I went to bed and cried and had a mini panic attack. What if my grammar really does SUCK? What if I haven't improved enough? What if every time I zoned out during lecture or read a book in English instead of reading the dictionary, I slipped a little bit more? What if my testing shows that I'm nothing but a dud?
Well friends, I guess all these questions and more will soon be answered. I just try to keep in mind that I know I improved, I met a lot of goals, and I can give someone directions in Russian on the street, and I'll have to be happy with that.
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